New York Daze

The shockers trip to NYC is wrought with wacky adventures and Chris hitting the sauce pretty bad. It goes a litle something like this....
Before embarking on a tour of NYC, "shock corridor" became the buzz of the New Jersey theatre scene playing to sold out houses in Trenton,Hoboken,and East Rutherford.Omar Yale Occidental Woodbine Byzantium Soppe Hellmuth Vandervan,wrote in the New Jersey newspaper of record, the "Hoboken Commercial Appeal" wrote, "My God, I will now have to poke my eyes out with long needles, because I will never see anything as glourious, nay vainglourious as that. There are not enough squids in the world the produce to amount of ink necessary to write beautiful things about this show."****(Four Stars"


Soon the cast was asked to appear on New Jersey's most popular mid-afternoon chat show, "Post Nooner with Joe Piscapoe" The show went reletively well with the cast being lithe and charming...all accept Chris Rean who showed up drunk as a skunk....wait that might be offensive...drunk as an Irish Indian, that's better(wahoo McDaniel, anyone, too soon?) He kept badgerring the host by yelling, "You were Eddie Murphy's bitch" and "I'm Johnny Barrett, and I've 9 inch junk."



Jen Ette tried to save the show by doing a helphul cooking segment baking her famous Mennonite Cookies,(the secret ingredient is pork), but the segment was ruinned by Chris who did something physically impossible with a bottle of canola oil.
After a tearfilled Intervention, Chris Entered the Elenor Roosevelt Rehabillitation Facility for Booze Hounds and Whoremongers for Sixty days. As a result the New York Shock Corridor debut.However,that did not stop other cast members from taking a bite out of the Big Apple.


Kerri-was discovered by a modelling agent whaen she was chilling at a White Castle. She would go in to dazzle the east coast as the "it girl" of the cutthroat world of ankle,shin and foot modelling.She was given freshest and hottest socks by designers, so she should would be seen wearing them at all the elite shindigs and soireees.But alas drugs,booze,and syphalis hit her at her peak, and her ankles got all swollen after an oxycontin overdose. She went on to tour High Schools and youth Groups with her story,and film an E! True Hollywood Story.


Darcy-being the angry young man that he is Darcy went on to participate in the seedy world of Underground New York fight clubs.He went to city finals at 3 am in Central park where he preformed the amazing feat of murdering four people,while singing a rousing version of "one night in Bangcock".He would never fight again prefering to star in a sucessful series of Underground fight club intructional DVD's.


Ross-relying on his law enforcement background went to bust crooked cops in New York's drug enforcement squadron. He went undercover, deep,so deep he didn't check in with his seargeant for months at a time. Was he on the take? or just trying to scrape the scum of the streets. Well, he was on the take too - and went on to use the dirty money and drugs to start various Gentleman's clubs and smoothie emporiums


Ray - became a sucessful satelite radio celebrity with his late night show "Moon Ray". The show struck a chord, few know why because all the show was Ray repeatingly singing Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On". It was probably his stories that got the show popular as he would air his grievences on the magical land of Dips and Bits named Tim Horton's and how the people of Manhattan would never see it until they gave him a canoe full of gold.
I'll get to the rest in due time; This blog is a tribute to Jacob "Jim" Beam whose bourbon helps us all get through the hulking morass that is our dail lives